^*!Vx 




OH, WELL, IT'S NO USE 



PS 635 
.Z9 
C5728 
Copy 1 



an ©rtginal i^egro Sftetcfj in ©ne Scene 



AS PERFORMED BY 

SCHOOLCRAFT AND COES 



WRITTEN AND ARRANGED FOR PUBLICATION, WITH ALL THE 
ORIGINAL STAGE BUSINESS 



BY 



GEORGE H. COES 



1, 



4 



BOSTON 




WAZ\\\^^i^ I 



/^.^.^^A/y<^aJ^S^^^'^^ y 



1893 



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f^^n 



CHARACTERS. , K 

As originally performed at the Howard Athenceum, Boston, in 18^4. 

LUKE , . Luke Schoolcraft 

GEORGE George H. Coes 

MAN, who can play the banjo. 



Copyright, 1893, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 




PROPERTIES. 

Three stools, two behind door in flat, one at r. i e. 



TMP92-008885 



OH, WELL, IT'S NO USE, 



Sc^^^. — Kitchen in 3. 



{As scene opens George stands in door tryiiig to get Luke to come 
in. Business ad libitum until George sJmts the door. Luke 
has stools under his arms which he throws down c. of stage) then 
goes to door and peeks out.) 

Geo. Where do you want to put me — in the station-house? 

Luke {very excited). I don't care where I put ye. 

Geo. Well, I care. What's the matter with you and that fel- 
low, anyway? 

Luke {goes to door again). Enough's the matter. 

Geo. bh, he's gone long ago. 

Luke. He'd better be gone. 

Geo. What's the trouble ? 

Luke {picking his teeth as if he had been eating). Well, very 
well. 

Geo. Very well. 

Luke. Well, very well. {Ad lib.) You know when we went in 
to get that clam chowder. 

Geo. Yes. 

Luke. Very well. You sat down whar dey dish it out. 

Geo. I know I did. 

Luke. Very well. I sat down by the door. 

Geo. You did. 

Luke. I no sooner had de clam chowder put down before me 
when somebody poke in his head and hollered, " Fire ! fire ! fire ! " 

Geo. Well, what then? 

Luke. I went out to see where the fire was, and when I come 
back my chowder was gone. 

Geo. Well, I suppose the landlord thought you was not gomg 
to eat it, so he took it back to the kitchen again. 

Luke. No such't a thing — no such't a thing. 

Geo. No? What happened? 

Luke. That fellar eat it all. 

Geo. {dramatically). Why, he was a villain. 

Luke. Yes, he was. 

3 



4 OH, WELL, IT S NO USE. 

Geo. (Luke responds '■'■yes'^ to all the sentences'). He was a 
ruffian of the deepest dye ! You should have felled him to the earth 
with your good right arm ; you should have annihilated him ; you 
should have left him weltering in his gore ! 

Luke. I would have done it right there and then. 

Geo. Why didn't you? 

Luke. When I asked him about it, what you s'pose he done? 

Geo. I don't know. What? 

Luke. He pulled a knife on me, dat long. {Shows.) 

Geo. What did you do in that knife-furious proceeding? 

Luke. What would you do if a man pulled a knife on ye? 

Geo. I'd run. 

Luke. Umph ! Well, dat's what I done. I wasn't going to 
stand there and get carved. 

Geo. Certainly not. Why, you must have had some previous 
trouble with that fellow. 

Luke. Yes, he's a rival. 

Geo . Rival ? In love ? 

Luke. Yes. 

Geo. Who is the fair damsel engaged in this imbroglio 

Luke. This what'll oh ? 

Geo. Who is the maiden engaged in this controversy? 

Luke {donH understancl). Yes. 

Geo. Who is the girl that caused this trouble? 

Luke. Oh, you knows her — you knows her well. 

Geo. Well, who is she ? 

Luke. Try and guess. 

Geo. Oh, I couldn't guess in a thousand years. {Ad lib.) 

(Luke puts his hand to the side of his moiUh atid whispers to 
George.) 

Geo. {hears him i?i pantoinijne) . Not Ruth Ann. 

Luke. Ruth Ann Morgan. 

Geo. You astound me. I thought you and her were betrothed. 

Luke. I guess not. 

Geo. I say, I thought you and her were engaged to be married. 

Luke. Oh, yes ! 

Geo. What, is the match off? 

Luke. The match is out of the box. 

Geo. Well, I am surprised. So the match is off, hey? 

Luke. She give me the shook. 

Geo. What for ? 

Luke. Oh, just simply — 

Geo. Simply for what ? 

Luke. Just simply for cause. 

Geo. What was the cause ? There must be a reason why, — a 
cause for shaking you. 

Luke. Just simply for cause I wouldn't spend all the money I 
ain't got on her. 



OH, WELL, IT S NO USE. 5 

Geo. I know you are very liberal when you have it. 

Luke. Then she wanted me to treat her to ice-cream. Bah ! 
Take a spoonful, put it in your mouth, and you feel something cool 
going down your throat. When ifs down ifs warmer than any- 
thing else. Lemonade — bah ! Sour water. 

Geo. a very pleasing drink for a lady. 

Luke. Fifteen cents a glass — three beers! But I don't have 
no money lately. Then she wanted me to wear out all my good 
clothes. 

Geo. I see you look slightly dilapidated. You don't dress as 
you were wont to do. 

Luke. I haven't but two changes to my name. 

Geo. How is that ? 

Luke. Off and on. But that gal — she's N. Y. 

Geo. What's N. Y? 

Luke. No good. 

Geo. N. G. is no good. 

Luke. Yes — N. G. is no use. Oh, she's a false-hearted — 
false-hearted croquet. 

Geo. Coquette, you mean. 

Luke. Yes, a false-hearted crowket. 

Geo. Now, I always thought Ruth Ann was the most amiable of 
creatures. 

Luke. No such a thing. (^Repeat.) You know what she's got 
instead of heart ? 

Geo. No; what? 

Luke. An ice-house. 

Geo. What, a marble heart? 

Luke. Packing ice for de summer. But that ain't all — the 
worse-est is to come. 

Geo. Let's have the worst, for Heaven's sake! 

Luke. I've been grocery insulted. 

Geo. Grossly insulted? How? 

Luke. I was grocery insulted. 

Geo. No, no ; grossly — grossly. 

Luke. This was in front of a grocery store. 

Geo. Well, how were you grocery insulted ? 

Luke. You know that grocery store where we go to get warm in 
the winter? 

Geo. Yes. 

Luke. Well, this day you went in to get warm, I didn't have 
the price. 

Geo. You were not invited, I recollect. 

Luke. No. I was standing in front of the store, and looking on 
the opposite side of the street, when who should come along but 
him and her, arm in arm, going to the ball or party or something. 
I wanted her to see I seed her, still I didn't want him to know that 
I see she saw I seed her. 

Geo. Clear as mud. You wanted to be recognized, still you 
did not. 



6 OH, WELL, IT S NO USE. 

Luke, Yes. Then I didn't say anything anybody should take 
offences at. I simply said, " Ow.'' 

Geo. Ow? What then? 

Luke. Well, sir, that fellar turned around without cause or 
pruflfocation — 

Geo. Provocation. 

Luke. — and deliberary — deliber-er-erary picked up a tomatus 
and struck me. 

Geo. Hit you with a tomato? 

Luke. A spilt tomato. 

Geo. Where did he hit you? 

Luke {looks at a spot on the left breast of his vest, then looks 
at George as much as to say, " Here "). Can't you see? 

Geo. Is that where it struck you? 

Luke. Yes. 

Geo. Well, all this time I thought that was blood. 

Luke. No, it's a tomato stain. 

Geo. Why, that's indelible. 

Luke. No, it's in the vest. 

Geo. I see, it's fast colors — it will never wash out. 

Luke {looks at his vest). Won't soap wash it out? 

Geo. I suppose so. If not that, it might the other. 

Luke {surprised). What other? Is there another spot? 

Geo. No, no ; dirt. 

Luke. Where? 

Geo. Why, all over the vest. 

Luke. Bless your heart, that ain't dirt ; it's the color of it. It's a 
dirty white. {Very mad.) Won't that ever come out? 

Geo. Never in this world. 

Luke {lookijig though ff id). There are other things he could 
have struck me with. He might have struck me with an tgg — 
something that'll wash out. 

Geo. The idea of hitting you with a spoilt tomato. 

Luke. He aimed to kill me. 

Geo. What, with a tomato? 

Luke. S'pose it was a bullet. 

Geo. It would have gone through you. 

Luke. S'pose he'd a hit me in my mouth ? 

Geo. That would have hit you just right. 

Luke. Stained my teeth for life. That's an insult on injury. 

Geo. Why didn't you, immediately after he hit you with that 
tomato, demand the satisfaction due to a colored gentleman. 

Luke. I was afraid I'd get it. 

Geo. {disgusted). Oh, come on; sit down. {Places stools c.) 

Luke. Oh, I don't want to sit down. 

Geo. You are awful mad, ain't you? 

Luke. Sakes alive, ain't it enough? {Tears a?'ound stage as if 
fighting.) 

Geo. Yes ; it is a burning shame. 



OH, WELL, IT S NO USE. / 

Luke. There's a stain on my breast for life ; never will wash 
out. {Goes to George as if to strike hi}?i; George says, ''Sit 
down; '^ Luke slaps him on the back and says) 1 won't hurt you, 
my boy ; but oh, if I had him now ! {Motions to strike George ; 
this is kept np ad lib.) Let me give you a pomter :. never hit a man 
that way, 'cause when you draw back he's gomg to get m on ye. 
{Doubles and joiiis both hands in one lump.) Just double up on 
him this way, and land one on the jaw that way. (George dodges.) 

Geo. For Heaven's sake, sit down ! 

Luke. I won't hurt you, my boy. I think too much of you. But 
oh, if I had him now ! 

Geo. {starts to go). Let me try and find him for you. 

Luke {stops him). Don't be m a hurry. Do you think he 
might come? 

Geo. He might. What do you want to do with him? 

Luke. I just want to tramp on his neck, and make him spit 
blood. If he comes in here, you throw him on me. 

Geo. All right. Now, while we are waitmg for that man from 
Oshkosh, let's play a reel or something. 

(George sits c. ; Luke at r. of him, play. Enter Man %vith 
stool, and sits L. of George and looks at audience. George sees 
him, and, still playing, kicks Luke on shin.) 

Luke. Don't put your muddy feet on my pants ; you'll spile 'em. 
{Turns, and sees Man; then riois to L. H. coiner of stage.) 

Geo. Here he is ; now go for him. 

Luke. What for? 

Geo. What for? For hitting you with that tomato. 

Luke. He didn't hit you, did he? 

Geo. No. 

Luke. What are you interfering for? 

Geo. Don't you want satisfaction? 

Luke, Not unless he wants to give it to me* 

Geo. Ain't you going to tackle him? 

Luke. I never had no introduction to him. 

Geo. You're a big coward ! {liirns and sees Man ; ^/Vr/^-j- Luke, 
who sees Man and runs to R. H. corner of stage. George panto- 
mimes to Man, as jnuch as to say, " I want you to get out of here, or 
ril kick you out!" This the Man repeats. George bows assent ; 
M-K"!^ goes to'L. I E. and repeats same business. Luke comes closer, 
ufitil George grabs Man by the neck and pants. Luke does same 
to George, and all go off. Luke comes back strutti>ig, as if he had 
put them Old, turns and meets George and thinks it the Man ; dis- 
covers his mistake.) 

Luke {very brave). Oh, skuse ! I thought it was him. 

Geo. What a brave boy you are ! 

Luke. Did you see me? 

Geo. No; what have you done? 



8 OH, WELL, it's no USE. 

Luke. Why, 1 point my finger to him, and he went out like a 
dog. 

Geo. You done nothing to him. 'Twas me that pointed my 
finger; and out he went. You went over there like a big coward, 
and I put the man out myself. 

Luke (very exxited). You mean to say you put the man out? 

Geo. I did. 

Luke {hot). I went over there, didn't I? 

Geo. Yes. What for.? 

Luke. To give the man the chance for his life. I went over there 
to get a chance to stamp on his neck, and make him spit blood, when 
you put your arm out so, and stopped me. Don't do that again. 

Geo. I thought you were afraid of him. 

Luke. Afraid! The man ain't born yet. 

Geo. I beg your pardon. {Shakes his hatid vigorously ; Luke 
pulls his fuigers apart.) I won't interfere next time. 

Luke. If he comes in here again, you go out {aside), and I'll 
go with you. 

Geo. Come on ; let's play another tune. {As before, Man coines 
on and sits r. of Luke; George sees him and pushes Luke, who 
sees the Man atid rushes to L. corner. G^o^ge. goes to Luke, and 
tries to make him put him out. Luke expostulates evasively. 
George becomes disgusted, and grabs the Man. Luke grabs 
George, and all go off "l. h. Sa^ne bus. as before- Luke and George 
C07ne on again.) 

Geo. You're the biggest coward I ever saw in my life. 

Luke {very brave). Did you see me.? 

Geo. Yes ; I see you. 

Luke. Til bet hell never come back here again. 

Geo. What have you done? 

Luke. Down three flights of stairs — poor fellow. {To 
George.) Say, he's been m here again. 

Geo. I know he has. 

Luke. Say, where was you? 

Geo. On that stool, there. 

Luke. Well, I was so excited I didn't see you. He was here, 
and had that long knife crossways in his teeth. He made a pass for 
me, and I grabbed him. {Makes his feet strike stage as he lualks 
across stage.) Bim ! Bam ! Boom ! Down three flights of stairs. 
(George catches him by his arm.) 

Geo. YouVe telling me a base falsehood — a base lie. 

Luke. A lie? 

Geo. You went over there like a cur, and I put the man out 
myself. 

Luke {talks incoherently for some tiine ; very excited). You 
mean to say I went over there and you put the man out? 

Geo. Yes, I did. 

Luke. Oh, well, it's no use. {Walks to and fro.) 

Geo. What's no use, you big coward? 



OH, WELL, IT S NO USE. 9 

Luke. Yes, I'm a coward. 

Geo. You wouldn't harm a flea. 

Luke. No ; he's too hard to catch. Oh, no, I didn't do nothing. 

Geo. That's right ; you done nothing. 

Luke. Oh, well, it's no use. I ought to have killed him when 
I had him in my hands. 

Geo. Why didn't you ? 

Luke. What chance did I have ? 

Geo. All the chance in the world. I threw him on you. 

Luke (very hot, and gets all mixed up) . I set there, didn't I ? 
The man sat there. You was there. I point my finger for you to 
get out of the way, and he — oh, what's the use talking to you! 

Geo. Do you infer that I interfered with you again? 

Luke. Can't you see what you did? 

Geo. No, I cannot. 

Luke. Where's your eyes? 

Geo. In my head, of course. 

Luke. They don't look like it. Oh, well, it's no use. That 
man will go out and brand me as a coward. 

Geo. That's what you are. I apologize again. 

Luke. Tologize nothing. 

Geo. He'll come back again. . 

Luke. S'posin' he does, do you think I'd harm a cripple? 

Geo. Oh, he's no cripple. See here, if he comes back and you 
don't put him out, TU put you and him out together. 

Luke. No, you won't. {Aside.) I'll go out. {Goes to George 
as if to strike him.) 

Geo. What would you do ? 

Luke. I ought to hit you once, anyhow. 

Geo. What for? 

Luke. Then you'd have more confidence in me. 

Geo. Come, sit down. ( They play again, and Man comes behind 
and between George and Luke, and pushes both of them over. 
\.\5¥.^goes R., and "^k^ follows him menacingly.) 

Man. Who put me out of here? {Makes motion to strike 
Luke.) . , ^ ^- 

Luke. Hit me in the ribs ; don't scar any. Did I put you out.-* 

Man. That's what I want to know, who put me out? {Same 

bus.) , 11-:) 

Luke {weakens). Did I put you out? Does I play de banjo? 
Man. I don't believe you do. {Looks at George.) 
Luke. You go and hit him. I'll stand at your back. 
Man {as Luke attempts to follow). You stay there. If you 
interfere I'll spit on ye and drown ye. {Goes to George mena-^ 
cingly. George appears to weaken.) Say, did you put me out o 
here ^ 

Geo. I believe I did. (Man goes to /^//George, who catches him 
by the throat and throws hi?n down c; he lays there. Luke kicks 
him; MKia hollers, ''You're wrong:' Gets np.) Who are you? 



lO OH, WELL, IT S NO USE. 

(Luke repeats, and does so at every sentence of George's, who tells 
hifn to shut up ; this is ad lib.) 

Man. Didn't you send to Oshkosh for a musician? 

Geo. I did ; yes. 

Man. Well, I am him. 

Geo. {takes him by the hand). I beg pardon for this rough 
treatment. That scoundrel has deceived me in this whole affair. 
What instrument do you play? 

Man. I play on a fum. {Puts his hand behind hi7n.) 

Luke. He's got a pistol. {Goes away.) 

Geo. Where is your instrument? 

Man. Here. {Pulls ta7nbo from his back under his coat.) ^ 

Geo. Tam.bourine ! That's what we wanted. We was going to 
the ball without you. 

Man. What do we get for this job ? 

Geo. (/;/ a low voice). Fifteen dollars — seven and a half apiece. 

Man. That's satisfactory. 

Luke {takes George one side). Do I ride in the same coach? 

Geo. Yes. 

Luke. What do I get? 

Geo. You heard the engagement the man made with me on the 
sidewalk. 

Luke. Yes ; my name was left out. Am I in for the money? 

Geo. {pokes his finoer in Luke's breast). We get fifteen dollars 
for the job. I get seven dollars and a half, and he gets seven dol- 
lars, and we divide — don't you see? • 

Luke ( pokes his breast) . And you — you don't get nothing ? 

Geo. Not much. 

Luke. Well, I don't want it all. Are we all us? 

Geo. All are we-uns. 

Luke. Is all of us, us? 

Geo. All. Now let's try that song, '* Shine On," and then we'll 
go. ( Play; Luke sings 07te verse, arid all sing chorus. Repeat 
chorus as they march off, or close in, as the case may be.) 

REMARKS. 

All through the last of the sketch, after Man goes to strike 
George, Luke tries every way to apologize to Man, but is stopped 
by George every time he speaks. This must be practised well, so 
the speeches may not be too much interrupted. 



Baker's Monthly Bulletin. 



THE OLD-FASHIONED HUSKING BEE. An Old Folks' 
Entertainment in One Scene. By Nettie H. Pelham. For eleven male and 
five female characters, and as many more as desired. Scene, the interior of a 
barn, easily arranged; costumes old fashioned. Plays forty minutes or more, 
according to number of songs and specialties introduced. Very easy to get up, 
and very funny. An excellent introduction for a dance, supper, or sociable, where 
a mixed entertainment is desired. (1891.) Price, 15 Cents. 

A VISION OF FAIR WOMEN, a Dramatic Paraphrase in One 
Scene, lia^ed upon Tennyson's " Dream of Fair Women." By Edith Lynwood 
Winn. Tliirty-nine girls are called for, besides tlie " Dreamer" who has the 
vision; but a smaller number may be used, at pleasure, by simply reducing the 
number of tableaux. No scenery is required, and the costumes can be easily 
contrived by home talent. This is a very picturesque and enjoyable entertain- 
ment, and by giving a large number of pretty girls a chance to look their best, is 
sure to please them and every one else. (1891.) Price, 15 Cents. 

JOINING THE TINPANITES: or, Paddy McFling's Expert- 
ENCE. Part I. A Mock Initiation for the amusement and instruction of Secret 
Societies. Adapted to all orders, and containing nothing to offend any secret 
organization. By David Hill. For thirteen male characters and supers. 
Scenery unimportant, the stage representing the interior of a lodge-room. 
Costumes, burlesque regalia. Plays forty-five minutes. This is an uproariously 
funny travestie of the forms of initiation, and is just the thing for a lodge-room 
entertainment. Any number of men can assist as members, etc. (1891.) 

Price, 15 Cents. 

JOINING THE TINPANITES. Part II. The second Degree of 
this popular Burlesque Order. Characters, scenery, and costumes same as m Part 
I., of whicl) it is a continuation. Can be played independently, or in connection 
•with Part I., which it naturally follows, but without in the least depending upon 
it. (1892.) Price, 15 Cents. 

JOINING THE TINPANITES. Part III. The Third and Highest 
Degree of this laughable " side " Order. Characters, scenery, and regalia, the 
same as in Parts I. and II. Like the other two, can be given as an independent 
Mock Initiation, or as the third part of a more elaborate ritual. (1892.) 

Price, 15 Cents. 

THE CHAPERON. A Comedy in Three Acts. By Rachel E. Baker. 
Fifteen female characters. Scenery not difficult. Costumes, tennis gowns and 
modern street and evening dresses, with picturesque Gypsy costumes for Miriam 
and Jill. Time in playing, two and a half hours. This clever plav of life at 
school and in society continues the series of plays for ladies so admirably begun 
by " Rebecca's Triumph," and is deservedly popular. It unites refined fun with 
a strong dramatic story, and is at once amusing, interesting, and picturesque. 
(1891.) Price, 35 Cents. 

THE SPY OF GETTYSBURG. A Drama in Four Acts, By 
Charle.s TowNSKND. Eight male, three female characters. Time of playing, 
two hours and thirty minutes. Scenery, two interiors. Costumes, modern and 
military — easily arranged. This is one "of the best war dramas ever published, and 
is especially suitable for amateurs. It is full of bright fun and soul-stirring 
incidents. The interest is awakened at the outset, increases with each act, and 
the final climax brings a whirlwind of applause. Tiie characters are all first- 
class. Solomon, the negro, is one of the most laughable darkey characters ever 
seen in any play. The incidents of this plaj cluster about the tremendous strug- 
gle at Gettysburg, and depict the adventures of the hero while acting as a 
scout for General Meade. The book contains a chapter of special interest, giving 
careful instructions regarding the style, make-up, and costuming of each 
character. (1891.) Price, 35 Cents, 

PROF. BAXTER'S GREAT INVENTION : or, Old maids 
Made New. A Farce-Comedy in One Act. By Mauy B.'Horne. For three 
male and three female characters. Modern everyday costumes. Scenery of the 
very simplest character. Plays about an hour, of longer, according to specialties, 
songs, etc., introduced. This entertainment is a decided novelty, and is excru- 
ciatingly funny. First-rate Irish soubrette part, and capital comic old man. 
Prof. Baxter's patent process for making old people young again suits everybody, 
both on the stage and off. (1891.) 



Baker's Monthly Bulletin. 



THE GREAT MORAL DIME SHOW. An Entertainment in One 
Scene, liy M.viiY li. Horne. Nine male, seven female characters. Costumes 
simple; scener}', an ordinary interior, or may be dispensed with altogether. Plays 
from half an hour upward, according to the number of specialties introduced. This 
•musing piece is a burlesque of the " dime-museum," but is entirely devoid of the 
vulgarity of its original, and perfectly adapted to church or home performance. 
The characters are a wonderful collection of " freaks " of nature (somewhat 
assisted by art) who sing, dance or recite, according to their special abilities, in 
illustration of the explanatory lecture. It can be made uproariously funny, and 
is in character as well as fact a successor to " The Teak Sisters." (1892). 

Price, 15 Cents, 

A WONDERFUL CURE. A Farce in One Act. For female characters 
only. Four girls. Scene, an easy interior; costumes, modern. A very lively 
and amusing little piece for parlor or stage performance. 

MY AUNT'S HEIRESS. A Comedy in One Act. Nine female 
characters, and two children. Costumes and scenery very simple. This amusing 
piece is well adapted for school performance, its humor being abundant and 
relined. 

A FAIR ENCOUNTER. A Comedietta in One Act. By Charles 
Marsiiam IlAE. For two female characters. Scene, an interior, well furnished. 
Costumes, modern; properties, numerous, but not troublesome to provide. An 
admirably bright little buttle of wits, refined aiid aamsing. Plays thirty-five 
minutes. 

FAST FRIENDS. A Comedietta in One Act. P.y Ke Henry. For 

two female cliaracters. Scenery and costumes very simple. Very bright and 
vivacious ; admirably fitted for extemporaneous performance in a parlor. Plays 
twenty minutes. 

SLIGHTED TREASURES. A Comedy in One Act. For four female 
characters. Costumes of the day. Diawing-room scene. Time, thirty minutes. 
An admirable piece for a scliool or home performance ; easy, refined, and amusing. 

A SLIGHT MISTAKE. A Comedy in One Act. For five female 
characters. One interior scene. Costumes, modern and old fashioned. Time, 
fortv minutes. Very good for a school exhibition. Miss Penelope Perfect, the 
leading part, is an uproariously amusing comedy character. 



BAKER'S PARLOR OPERAS. 

Price, 16 Cents each. 

We have a Hmited stock only of these piecefi. As they will not be re- 
printed, we cannot guarantee to Jill orders for an indefinite period. 

DIAMONDS AND TOADS. An Opera for little folks. Six male 
and five female characters. Founded on the old nursery legend of " The Dia- 
monds and Toads." With full directions for its production. Very pretty and 
easily produced. Music selected from familiar sources. Plays about an hour. 

ACCELERATE. A charade of four syllables, in opera. Lots of male 
and female characters. Very amusing and easy to get up. Music selected and 
familiar. Plays about fifty minutes. 

CONJURATION. A Charade of four syllables, for about six male and 
six female characters. Arranged as an opera. With favorite tunes. Plays 
about forty minutes. 

THE PILGRIM'S CHOICE. An Allegory, for male and female 
characters. Very appropriate for Sunday-school exhibitions. Interspersed with 
songs to familiar airs. Plays about an hour and a quarter. 

HOLIDAYS. A Charade for Children in Three Scenes. Numerous 
characters. An appropriate entertainment for the celebration of any of the 
holidays, secular or religious. 

CENTENNIAL. A Charade in Three Scenes. Six male, seven female 
characters. Very pretty and amusing. 



AN ENTIRE NOVELTY. 



THE GREAT MORAL 

Dime Show 

AN ENTERTAINMENT IN ONE SCENE, 

By MARY B. HORNE, 

Author of "The Peak Sisters," Prof. Baxter's Great Txventiox," 

"The Book of Drills," "The Carnival of Days," 

"Plaktaxiox Bitters," Etc. 



Nine male, seven female characte'-s. Costumes simple; scenery an ordinary 
interior, or may be dispensed with altogether. Plays from half an hour upward, 
according to the number and character of additional specialties introduced. 
Printed exactly as first performed by the Unity Club, Watertown, Mass., on 
Friday evening, February 6, 189L'. 



Tliis most amusing entertainment is a burlesque of the ordinary ' dime- 
museum," so-called, but is entirely devoid of the vulgarity of its original, and 
perfectly adapted to church or home performance. The characters are, save tlie 
lecturer and her assistant, a wonderful collection of "freaks" of nature (some- 
what assisted by art) v.iio sing, dance or recite, according to their special 
abilities, in illustration <.f the explanatory lecture. It is most elastic m its 
requirements, can be played on any stage or platform, with or without scenery, 
and with a greater or smaller number of characters, according lo taste or 
necessity. It can be made uproariously funny, and is in character as Avell as tact 

A SEQUEL TO THE PEAK SISTERS. 

Price, - - - 15 Cents. 



SCENE.— The exhibition hall of Sister Ke/.iah's Show. Sister Keziah's intro- 
ductory lecture. Johnathan, the bashful assistant. Introductory hymn. 
Introduction of the " freaks." Daniel McGinty redivious. Daniel s song 
Li:ci\. Z\KATE, the celebrated JNIexican dwarf. Kioto, the sliortest man 
alive, not ftnavoiaHy. The wonderful Mkkmaid. The Mermaul s song. 
Cassius White, the ossified boy. A "rocky" recitation. IvALLULLr, the 
onlv specimen of his kind in captivity; illustrated by cuts. SiGNOK Galassi, 
the" celebrated Glass Eater, Galassi sings. Allegro Penseuoso, the avoh- 
derful two-headed girl; not to be confounded with the more common two- 
' faced girl. Two ways of eating a pickle. Ida and Ione. the Grecian 
maidens. Raphael Tintoret, the blind painter, who paints blinds in fiiH 
view of the audience. Ah Chin and Wu.v Lung, the Chinese twins, ex- 
tremely well connected from birth. " The Land of Tea." Ka-foozle-fl :m, 
the Turkish vocalist. Grand finale and curtain. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



B 



iililiilllllllililiiliililllli 

016 102 714 5 

OF JUVENILE OFERETTA5 

Designed especially for Chui^ch, School, and other Amateur Organ- 
izations. Complete, with all the music and full directions for 
performance. 



Grandpa's Birthday. In One Act. T\''ords by Dkxteu Smith; 
music by ^\ A. Wiirrr'-;. * For one adult (male or femalo) and tbree 
children; chorus, if desired. PiuCE, 25 Cents. 

Jimmy, The Newsboy. In One Act. "Written and composed by 
W. C. PARKKri, For one adult (male), and one boy. No chorus. 
Very easy and tuneful. Pkice, 25 Cents. 

The Four-leafed Clover. In Throe Acts. By Maiiy B. Hokne. 

For children of from six to fifteen years. Seven boys, seven girls, 
and chorus. Very picturesque. Pkice, 50 Cents. 

Beans and Buttons. In One Act. Words by Wm. II. Lepeue; 
music by Alfued G. IJobyn. Two male and two female characters; 
no chorus. Very comical and easy. PiiiCE, 50 Cents. 

Hunt the Thimble. In One Act. Words by A, G. Li':wis; music by 
Leo R. Lewis. Two male, two female characters and small chorus. 
Simple and pretty. PincE, 50 Cents. 

Red Riding Hood's Rescue. In Four Scenes. AVords by J. E. 
EsTABitooK; music by J. AsTOK Buoad. Three male, four female 
characters and chorus. Price, 50 Cents. 

Golden Hair and the Three Bears, in Five Scenes. By J. AsTOii 
Broad. Three adults (2 m., 1 f.), eight children. and chorus. Music 
is easy, graceful, and pleasing. Price, 75 Cents. 

R. E. Porter ; or, The Interviewer and the Fairies. In Three 
Acts. Words by A. G. Lewis; music by Leo Pt. Lewis. Six male, 
six female characters, and chorus. Very picturesque and pretty. 

Price, 75 Cents. 

Gyp, Junior. In Two Acts. Wonls by Earl Marble- ; music by 
D. F. Hodges. Two males, one female (adult), three children and 
chorus. Very successful and easily produced. PiacE, 75 Cents. 

AlvinGray; or, The Sailor's Return. In Three Acts. Written 
and composed by C. A. White. Ten characters, including chorus; 
can be made more effective by employing a larger niunber. 

Price, 75 Cents. 



Catalogues describing the abov» and other popular entertain- 
ments sent free on application to 

WALTER H. BAKER &. CO., 

THEATRICAL PUBLISHERS, 

No. 23 Winter Street, - Boston, Mass. 



